They Never Press Charges

by Joseph McCombs

It's time I really said something.

          The policeman, smug and authoritative,
          finished his report, placed a hand on Dad's shoulder
          and took him out for a drink. He talked of his own
          misfit wife. "They're just like housepets,"
          he explained. "You have to teach them
          not to piss on your carpet."

Ever notice that they never
send women police officers to domestic dispute reports?
I suspect they're afraid
that something might get reported
that she might get it right
that they might get involved

that someone might take her side
for once, and risk defaming
a fine upstanding man of the community

"how dare she break up her family"
"he has a right to see his kids"
"she obviously provoked him"
to fists and reminders
of powerlessness

it's gone on much too long
it never should have started

Boston Globe says 30 at least
have lost their lives this year
this way
and we know from a distance
that 30 is 30 too many

we see these vague statistics
but we don't see that the woman down the street
is a little more timid when spoken to
and cleans her floors a little more strongly

so he won't have a reason to do it again
and we don't see how a child
barricades himself in his room
so he won't hear the screaming so strongly

we try very hard to explain these actions, set up
networks, hotlines, informational pamphlets
but who's got time to read or reach a phone
when he could come home any minute, pissed
off and piss drunk, speaking a little more strongly

she says it's all right don't worry
she says that he'll calm down
but it still goes on

and nothing ever gets said
until an unknowing eight year old
tells her fourth grade teacher mom didn't make it
to the parent-teacher conference because
she was tending to her swollen eye

then maybe the teacher takes notice
if he's not afraid of butting in

and then the parade: people who make recommendations
to people who make recommendations to people
who suggest that maybe
both parents should seek counseling

thereby blaming her
as much as him

and he tells her he's got problems
and she knows that he's got a problem
and it still goes on

there is no freedom, there is no life
for those who live
turning corners cautiously
opening doors slowly
not sure if a night's anger
will be replayed in any given hallway

and she knows what a second chance means
and she knows what forgiveness bought
and it still goes on

"Beneath the quiet, I didn't see the quick glimmers of rage"
and we've all had quick glimmers of rage --
we've all hit walls and windows
or screamed at pets
but this is madness
when she hears quick steps and knows she must quicken her own
when he says sit down and she dares not stand
when he warns her that no one will help her
and she believes him

keep in mind however
that we are the same people who gave
John and Paul a Grammy when they sang I used
to be cruel to my woman, I beat
her & kept her a
part

and we are the same society who let
Dusty go Top Ten when she said
you will be his
you will be his

so it is hardly surprising
that things are not in fact
getting better

you and I know it's wrong
and she and he know it's wrong
but it still goes on
and they never press charges

it is hard to blame the system
when restraining orders can be willfully removed
and it's hard to blame the male gene
when millions of husbands and lovers
have surely never wrought such anger
or carried it out to such horrific conclusions

and I for one
am not willing to blame women
for giving second chances
or expecting a protecting order
to fail
but I think women and men alike
should be more aware
need to be more aware
of these potentials within us:
that of bad anger
and that of bad judgment

now the last thing I could do
is to offer the true solution
(if I can't cease violence in my mind
how can I cease it in others' fists)
and though it means just as much to not do
as to do sometimes
be assured that I'd much rather do
something more than spew bloated
words into a vacuum

but for now I can tell you to look
more closely at your neighbor
turn the stereo down
when late at night you hear an odd sound

you might be appalled at what you hear

we say we're helpless to stop the violence
but we are the violence
when we fail to see
the cracked lips, the slightly crooked noses,
the officers who call it a spat
the apologies and never-agains
played out like phonographs for fourth and fifth times

it's gone on much too long
it never should have started

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