The Professors and their Quotes

"Christ... as Steven Spielberg's stage prop."

"He's got sexual magnetism up the wazoo." (11/10/1994)

"Pure water has a lot of water in it."

"Every time you flush the toilet, you'll think of me and action potentials."

"Please do not pith your lab partners."

"How does one quantify the degree of wiggly?"

"That's a sorry excuse for a schist."

"Now pretend I'm God."

"Fungi... are wierd."

"Jesus is hot, and Paul is.... not."

"Jesus is very PC."

"The fatherhood of God, brotherhood of man.... not the siblinghood of people."

"This is the Jesus who says, 'have you ever really looked at the daisies in the field, man?'...
he's a very gentle, slightly hallucinogenic Jesus."

"Short summary:
     1. Think.
     2. It's a system, stupid.
     3. Be careful out there."

"Madison, Minnesota. Lutefisk capital of the world."

"That's the fundamental thing. Connection. Well, everything. Things move."

"Rabbits, being rabbits, reproduce like rabbits."

"If you're a male in a population of mostly females, what's your fitness? Party on, dude!
If you're a male in a population of mostly males? Most heinous! I watched 'Bill & Ted' recently."

"Allegheny College is MY LIFE!!"

"The North American Possum, which is found primarily dead on roadsides..."

"Give that lady the rubber twinkie!"

"Be glad you're not part of the placenta of a sperm whale!"

"Thank you for braving the elements to attend another scintillating lecture on worms and other vermin."

"Now let me get back to the testes, having digressed to hernias..."

"Animal physiology, eh?.... Every animal should have a physiology."

"The Unibomber is a Romantic figure."

"Not something inherently agreeable to look at... unless you're a medical student or a ghoul.":

"Being a Byronic hero means never having to say you're sorry."

"Romanticism is not known for its yucks."

"I give it a 10 because I can dance to it." (11/9/1994)

"Does God need to be stroked?"

"This is what happens when my kid makes me listen to country music all weekend.
I get all philosophical."

"Then you say, well, Gee!"

"Ecologists have physics envy."

"Freshwater fish pee constantly."

".... there! Sperm!"

"You don't need a word for tiger until one bites you in the ass."